A Syracuse State of Mind.

My life. What is going on with it. I'm leaving for London in a month. I have been keeping my feelings pushed away, I guess because I don't want to admit that I will miss Syracuse. Although this was the worst semester of my life and I would never want to do it over again, as I sit in my empty apartment alone I am thinking about all the people I will miss. My bessie came over to say goodbye, she made me a drawing. I gave her an awkward goodbye. Was i always this bad with goodbyes and emotions? I feel this semester has taught me to keep things inside and I cant determine is its me becoming an adult or if i am just escaping real feelings. Its lonely in here. I came back from a brief (but fantastic) stay in camp hill only to see everyone leaving for home. Is this what being on my own will feel like? No comfort? No friends? But everyone says to go out of your comfort zone that you learn etc. etc. Ugh but seems like all good things include struggles. is it so much to ask for a life without constant struggles? but would it be a life worth living? sometimes i feel like i know so much and sometimes i feel like i know nothing at all. maybe i should take a step back and just see where life takes me. I dont know

this post is far too deep. I will regret it.


time to study...or watch the rest of Something's Gotta Give (what a fabulous movie...)

Back on the Horse

Well, it has been a while since I entered this blogosphere. And let me tell you, I completely forgot about this thing. And it seems like most everyone has as well. But the time has come for another blog. This one about interviews...what makes a good one what makes a bad one?

first off, i had an interview today for an executive board position for the student peer advisors for the college of arts and sciences. I wore a skirt and tights with a rip in the crotch. Good thing I don't have a penis.

Anyways, as I sprinted up the three flights of stairs to the office of the woman I would be interviewing with I slip. Then I pant. Then I find myself panting outside her office like I had asthma. If I had asthma this would have been a good excuse. But, alas, I am just out of shape and wasn't getting enough oxygen to my brain on account of the tights...

I sat down with Shruti.
I complimented her son (he really was cute)
Then I realized I was sweating. Hard. I wore my hair down and it now felt like it was half wet. I subconsciously start thinking about my wet hair. does she notice it. is there sweat dripping off my face? Did she like my eyebrows? I just shaped them this morning.....

As all this is going through my head I am answering questions. About how much I love kids, I sound like a moron and keep repeating myself. I take a breath. I am having trouble keeping direct eye contact. I keep looking away. but only because there is a bird outside and it is distracting me. I catch her gaze. I tell her my favorite professor is kind of a jerk.....she laughs because its true. I try to tell her he is just like Larry David...she does not know who that is.

we awkwardly laugh.

I crack a joke about going abroad and how my mother shed a tear at thanksgiving. I use my finger to recreate the tear. she is amused. she says, "you are too funny."

is this bad? is funny bad? am i not serious? am i being myself? or am i being a rambling idiot.

oh well.

it's over.

good thing i didn't overanalyze it.